🥃 The Shoe Salesman — A Tribute to Al Bundy (“Married… with Children”)
A bold bourbon-and-bacon cocktail that smells like Sunday regret and tastes like payday relief — The Shoe Salesman honors Al Bundy, America’s most sarcastic patriarch. 🥃🥓
👞 Why This Drink Represents Al Bundy
There’s something tragically heroic about a man who spends his life selling women’s shoes while dreaming of his glory days on the high-school football field. Enter The Shoe Salesman — a cocktail that balances bitterness, humor, and unexpected warmth in one bourbon-laced sip.
The bourbon is Al himself — rough around the edges, honest, and aged just enough to carry stories no one asked to hear. The amaretto brings a touch of sweet nostalgia — his memories of four touchdowns in a single game. Lemon juice adds that tart bite of life, constantly reminding him he’s stuck in a shoe store. Then comes the simple syrup — a brief moment of hope — before the bacon garnish crashes in, greasy and unapologetic.
This drink doesn’t pretend to be fancy. It’s comfort in a glass, best served after a day of dealing with Peg, Kelly, Bud, and the guy who insists on trying on size 11s when he clearly wears a 13.
🥓 The Recipe
Ingredients:
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Crispy Bacon Strip (for garnish)
Instructions:
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Combine bourbon, amaretto, lemon juice, and simple syrup in a shaker with ice.
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Shake until Al Bundy would complain about the effort (about 10 seconds).
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Strain into a rocks glass over fresh ice.
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Garnish with a strip of crispy bacon — the breakfast of champions and broken men alike.
💭 Flavor Profile
Think of this as a bourbon whiskey sour that spent too long in a La-Z-Boy chair watching TV. The lemon and simple syrup give it lift, the amaretto adds a mellow sweetness, and the bacon finishes with that savory crunch that screams “don’t talk to me until I’ve had my drink.”
❓ FAQs
Q: Can I use maple syrup instead of simple syrup?
A: Absolutely — if you want to lean into the breakfast vibe and give it that Sunday hangover redemption feel.
Q: Do I have to use bacon?
A: If you’re asking that question, you might be Peg Bundy.
Q: What’s the best occasion for this cocktail?
A: When the couch is calling, the remote is in reach, and life feels like one long shoe-sale shift.